Wrapped Up Like a Douche

Malapropping through the Eighties, everyone sang She’s So Popular instead of Jeu Sans Frontières. But since I was a kid, I’ve excelled at getting lyrics wrong. At six, instead of sending our Queen victorious, I wished her “Fletcher’s Castoria, Happy and Gloria.” Younger still, I warbled to the Singing Nun, “Domma-nick-a-nick-a-nick, une After Eight c’est all I want . . .”

But I loved to sing, and still do. I think I sound like Carole King. Dan says I bray like a donkey. A high-school teacher once called me Joanie. I thought Joni Mitchell. He meant Joan Baez. It was probably the moustache.

Inspired by Ron’s take on Games Without Frontiers. Photo by 20th Century Fox.