Black Coffee Baby

In Making History, Stephen Fry crafted a universe where Hitler had never been born, but in his stead a more maniacal leader succeeded in winning the war for Germany. Sort of an evil corollary to It’s a Wonderful Life. I often think that had my mom not lived on cigarettes and black coffee during her pregnancy, I’d be a 5′ 10″ Rhodes Scholar. Maybe that rogue blonde gene would’ve kicked in rather than that bit of DNA that made me so dark. Still, fate could have went the other way leaving me to raise my seventeen goat-haired children in Abitibi.