Indigenian: A Modest Proposal

Indians used to be “Indians” but that’s not acceptable among the politically correct, and its offensive to Ind—
     Whoops . . . What can we call those people? “Amerindian”, “native Canadian”, “native”, “aboriginal” – each alternative is objectionable to somebody, and “First Nation” is just plain unwieldy. Try fitting “member of the Kashechewan First Nation” into that blank on the census form. (Besides, “member” surely offends some women.)
     In order to move on to other weighty issues, I’ve invented an inoffensive variant on “indigenous”: Indigenian. Problem solved. Now, headlines like “Tainted! Boil-Water Advisory Continues on Indigenian Reserve!” can offend no one – white or Indigenian.