Ungilded

Walking past the US Consulate in Toronto recently, I spotted a plaque in a bed of greenery. It celebrated a unique friendship that was forged over many years through many painful challenges. 

     Dear America, we’re honoured you deemed us the best neighbour any nation ever had. (Ask yourself if that applies to you.) “Neither terrorism nor any adversity will conquer free peoples.” (That sounds ironic now.) Yes, we were with you in your then-darkest hour. (Who knew it could get darker?)

     The plaque (bronze, not gilded) was almost overgrown. Perhaps that’s a metaphor. Perhaps it will be taken down soon.

Inspired by domineering belligerence, imperial grandiosity, and a stunning ignorance of history, economics, and geopolitics, which culminated in the imposition of yet more punitive US tariffs on Canada on August 21. Image by the author.

Don’t Quit Your Day Job

Everyone but me is retiring. I had no plans to until I met Joanne from Kingsville. Joanne takes daily walks around the subdivision—the one behind the Zehrs—and returns deliciously scrappy.
     One day, she fired up her Facebook and posted that she counted seven—SEVEN—recycle bins that had been incorrectly placed, barcodes facing in, handles facing out, some left teetering, most lawlessly crooked.
     “Folks!” she PSA’d, “the barcodes should FACE the street!”
     She is my C.A.R.P. lodestar. She completes me. I want to hold hands and walk about, our feet pale as chicken meat in low-profile Mephistos.

Inspired by Weird Sudden Changes. Image from the Kingsville Ontario Recycling Schedule.

Weird Sudden Changes

The way I see it, maybe me and my planet are just growing old and decrepit together. And maybe the summers are getting hotter, because I sure as hell don’t remember sweating like this when I was a kid, or maybe I just didn’t care, and I just never noticed the weight I was putting on—that is, until the moment my innie became an outie; because, just like the planet, it is just me getting older and more prone to weird sudden changes.

     Oh, and if you haven’t already figured it out, I’m pretty sure I’m getting dumber, too.

Inspired by Just Weather. Image by the Meta AI.