50%

The men’s Adidas short, circa 1978, the one with the three side stripes had a little mesh liner known colloquially as a ‘nut catcher’, an ineffectual device as my girlfriends and I discovered one summer evening at Burger King. We’d just assembled over our tiny mountain of fries when we saw them. Methuselah’s testicles teetered half in/half out of his pants like indecisive cuckoos hesitating at the clock door. Couldn’t the more adventurous of the pair sense that it left the warm confines of polyester and had now rolled egg-like onto smooth orange molded plastic? Was it mostly by accident?