The Kid in the Coat

They dress me in this fluffy coat, with fake fur trim on cuffs and hood and oversized mittens with three skinny stripes. (Why three?) Then they put me in a siwash toque (so politically-correct!), roll up my chichi OshKoshes, and make me wear shoes even Shirley Temple wouldn’t be caught dead in. How do I attract chicks like this? I mean the ones that dance dirty, not gush and call me cute or adorable.
      This is not me at all. I’m an individualist. When I escape these people, I’ll get some piercings and a tattoo, and wear nothing but black.

Image: Cold Shoulder by Shawn Jurek.