Momma’s got a leopard lighter
Fingernails of scarlet red
Daddy: he’s gone missing
I wonder if he's dead . . .
Cuz I read Daddy’s letter
Saying: Momma’s got a flame
Burning ’neath her collar for
A man on Colson Lane.
Said he saw them, wild and
Kissing, like creatures in a zoo
Now he’s a vacant corner
Can’t tell what he might do.
Said he’ll despise her always
And he'll drink a pint of lye
Said – in ink all sorry
Coloured like his eyes –
That he'll love Momma always
Like desert-loving rain . . .
Well, Momma’s leopard lighter
Burned his leavings all the same.
Cinemagraph by Jamie Beck
This is just terrific, Kathy. Wonderful energy and wit and a sort of pathos too. Plus great syncopation. (My only suggestion, since it's one of my bugaboos--is whether you'd want to put in a little more punctuation. In some places the lines run over to the next, and in others, a stop is intended. I personnaly love punctuation in poems as it tells me when to stop, as a reader, and when to run on, and helps me with the rhythm. This is my personal issue perhaps and I'm sure no one else will mention it.) Terrific poem. K.
ReplyDeleteAh, for you, K, two more periods plus a ... got added in. Hope that helps a bit; I'm reluctant to stud it with commas though.
DeleteWell damn, how much do I like this? I was prepared to love it from the first two lines, but it goes on to take a well-worn situation and paint it sharp and sassy. Oh hell yeah.
ReplyDeleteLOVE! Love the rhythm, the rhyme, the subject...I've got more than one leopard lighter but prefer my nails black! lol Fantastic word play :)
ReplyDeletedang...this is awesome...the rhyming makes it even a bit edgier actually...great voice in this...
ReplyDeleteExcellent, cogent, and a stroke of genius to tell it from the child's pov--the outsider looking in, yet some of the reality --all too much--bleeding through. Fine piece.
ReplyDeleteLoved loved loved it. The action, the rhythm, the final burning image - wow-ee!
ReplyDeleteLove the childs eye view - excellent write!
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
wonderfully penned flow and pace that carried almost a whimsy to such a darkened emotional subject, really well done! ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteWow...excellent, just loved it!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteSo very well written. Really LOVED the flow.
ReplyDeleteWow, Kathy. The visual image you chose set the tone for what was to follow. You choice of words and images created a perfect voice and beneath it all, so many emotions just simmer.
ReplyDeleteThis is perfect.. a child's eye.. the story of deceit and hatred.. and burning the letters... and pace of the poem. I really love this.
ReplyDeleteThis is just so well done - love the undertones and it reminds me of a Garth Brooks song from years ago. Great piece.
ReplyDelete