The Ballad of Sergeant Schultz

Rogers (Roy) was still a star
When I came on the scene,
With Charles Schulz’s comic strip
In every magazine.

But then Hogan and his heroes
Appeared on TV shortly
And brought with them a new namesake
Both incompetent and portly.

“I see nothing,” Schultz would say,
To my classmate’s jubilation.
He knew nothing, nothing heard . . .
Until their cancellation.

Then Robert Crane was murdered
And Sergeant Schultz had gone
And reruns of that prison camp
Were hardly ever shown.

So, I suppose the lesson is
To name kids carefully,
In spite of which we named our boy
After Mister Bean.